Author: Georgia Macdonald-Danvers Often, when looking at symptoms of ADHD, we expect the "hyperactive rule-breaker" that is associated males. But, have you ever noticed you or your loved one has less control of their emotions, has regular mood swings, and is easily irritated? Well, that is the hallmark ADHD symptom of emotional dysfunction. As someone who struggles with this symptom personally, it is not as intimidating as it sounds. Emotional dysregulation can be defined as the inability to control emotional responses to stimuli. It is especially common among adult women with ADHD, so this is an important topic to cover over here on ADH-She. Researchers also often equate emotional dysregulation with emotional impulsivity which is characterized by; lack of patience, a quick temper, overreaction, becoming excited with ease, and being easily irritated. These symptoms of impulsivity are also prevalent in women with ADHD, making emotional dysregulation something that can become a more impairing issue (example: unhealthy coping). First, advice for my neurodivergent friends! Below are some tips on how to manage emotional dysregulation in your own life: 1. Check your Facts!: ask yourself these 4 questions when you feel things are escalating emotionally; "what event triggered my emotion?", "what interpretations or assumptions am I making about the event?", "does my emotion and its intensity match the facts of the situation?", and "does my emotion just match my assumptions of the situation?" 2. Focus on positive activities & events: examples of small positive activities are having a nice meal, visiting a friend, listening to music, or going on a walk! 3. Be prepared!: dreading the possibility of entering a situation that might be a bit emotionally stressful? Make an escape plan to ensure whatever emotional triggers arrive, you can distance yourself. Another way to be proactive with emotional dysregulation is to schedule times to vent and recharge! Next, for the support system (you're so important) there are some things (and advice) you can do for your neurotypical loved ones to make their experience even easier: 1. Your loved one ≠ their emotional response: emotional challenges come from your brain, and the ADHD brain has some difficulties with brain connectivity networks that are in charge of carrying emotional information. Remember that although these outbursts may be challenging for you both, they are not representative of your loved one. 2. Allow your loved one to feel safe: often emotional outbursts can be a sign that something is being perceived as emotionally dangerous (even if that is not the reality). This perception is what brings on the 'fight or flight' response we so classically know leads to outbursts and RSD. 3. We need you: not only does ADHD require multiple forms of support, but a positive support system helps build emotional resilience. As well, having a present support system can build emotional security. The people around us play a massive role in the journey to controlling emotions. In all, feelings happen to everyone! For my fellow ADHD'ers, a massive challenge can be figuring out how to regulate our own emotions and reactions. Self-work mixed with the support of loved ones can alleviate the stress and minimize the impacts of emotional dysregulation. Sources: Emotional Dysregulation from the Psychology Care & Healing Center Is emotional dysregulation part of the psychopathology of ADHD in adults? by Salvatore Corbisiero, Rolf-Dieter Stieglitz, Wolfgang Retz & Michael Rösler How to Deal with Emotional Dysregulation from Alvarado Parkway Institute 21 Emotion Regulation Worksheets and Strategies by Courtney E. Ackerman, MA 9 Tips for Managing ADHD Mood Swings reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD 7 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions by Thomas E. Brown PhD Author: Lori MacIntyre My journey as the mom of a girl with ADHD began about 6 months ago, when out of the blue, my 16 year old daughter told me something was wrong – she was having trouble focusing. We booked a visit with our family doctor, and were given some questionnaires for my daughter, her teacher and I to complete before the appointment. Our doctor reviewed the results of the questionnaires and she was diagnosed with ADHD the same day. She left with a prescription for ADHD medication. I was actually a little bit shocked with the speedy diagnosis, but she started the medication the next day, and she noticed some immediate improvement in her ability to focus. In fact, she said she finally felt “normal”. We also got busy working with school staff to put into place a customized learning plan to ensure her learning needs were met in the classroom setting. Both the meds and the IEP have needed some tweaking over the past several months, but things are moving in the right direction. Since the diagnosis, we have been on a steep learning curve to understand ADHD, especially how it manifests in women and girls. My knowledge of ADHD was limited to begin with. What little I did know about ADHD was about symptoms observed most often in boys who can’t sit still or act out in school. I was completely unaware that the behaviours that I had been observing for years in my daughter were actually symptoms of ADHD. When I think of the comments teachers consistently made over the years, I am stunned at the lack of awareness that even educators have on ADHD in girls. She is textbook inattentive ADHD type. Never once did any teacher suggest that my daughter should be assessed. In fact, there were a lot of negative value judgments placed on her ADHD symptoms by teachers, and I am sure this impacted her own beliefs about her potential for academic success. I have since learned a lot about the inattention aspect of ADHD, and how easily confused these symptoms are with negative behaviours such as disorganization, forgetfulness, laziness, poor follow through, etc. When I reflect on my response as a parent to what I know now are ADHD symptoms, I realize now why my approach to addressing these behaviours was wholly ineffective, and in fact, negatively impacted my relationship with my daughter. I know that my lack of awareness about ADHD lead to me holding my daughter responsible for behaviours she did not understand and could not control. How much pain and conflict between us could have been avoided had I known then what I know now? How many years of academic achievement could have been better supported if I had understood and advocated for teachers to adequately meet her needs? As they say, when you know better, you do better. I offer a few suggestions which have really helped me along this journey so that I can better support my daughter –
Author: Georgia Macdonald-Danvers My fellow ADHD-er's! Do you ever feel like everything and everyone is against you? That any time you speak someone is going to react with hostility and judgement? Are you getting anxious, upset, or even angry at those around you? You are definitely not alone in this experience, you're having rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Let's start with the basics. What is RSD? It can be defined as; "the disposition to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and intensely react to rejection". The disappointing reality for the reading this is, not only do women experience higher rates of rejection sensitivity but also teens and adults with ADHD. So, majority of the people here reading this has experienced this feeling at least once. Now, the former paragraph was not to downplay the experience of rejection sensitivity, in fact 1 in 3 people describe it as the hardest part of the disorder. Instead, I want to prove to all of you that although it is a struggle, you are not struggling alone. RSD can look different for everyone! Some signs of RSD include:
Now that the facts are laid out, here is my first hand experience and advice on how to manage RSD & how to navigate relationships that involve RSD. Since there are no clear therapeutic methods to resolve rejection sensitivity, there has to be some work between the individual with ADHD as well as the counterpart in the relationship. First, let me address my fellow ADHD-er's. RSD is something that will occur sometimes but your thoughts, feelings, and actions will never be a genuine representation of yourself and your character. In a more clinical sense, your rejection sensitivity is your nervous system overreacting, setting off an extreme stress response. This is something you cannot control in the moment. Two things that can help you reduce your symptoms of RSD (1) take time to work on emotional regulation to be able to deal with rejection in a healthier, and positive way. (2) Practicing self-care and no... I am not saying you have to throw on a face mask and do the typical "self care day". Making sure your necessities are taken care of (sleep, diet, exercise) is equally valid as self care. Making sure you are at your healthiest can reduce your stress levels and reduce your chances of a "RSD episode". For the loved ones, my only piece of advice to you is to watch for these symptoms. Being aware of when these behaviours and symptoms arise can help you practice patience. Take a moment to remind yourself that this is not your loved one reacting, it is your loved one's condition and their perceived notion that you are upset with them, leaving them, or going to hurt them. Although you may not be met with immediate trust, a simple affirmation of reassurance can be extremely helpful. Some examples are;
Sources: Rejection Sensitivity and the Rejection–Hostility Link in Romantic Relationships by Rainer Romero‐Canyas, Geraldine Downey, Kathy Berenson, Ozlem Ayduk & N. Jan Kang (2010) Rejection Sensitivity and Depressive Symptoms in Women by Ozlem Ayduk, Geraldine Downey & Minji Kim (2001) What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Reviewed by Smitha Bhandari, MD (2020) Author: Georgia Macdonald-Danvers If you're here, you likely have a loved one with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). As a neurodivergent woman myself, I thank you for your willingness to learn. As a friend, partner, family member, your support can be crucial for the women and girls in your life with ADHD! To be transparent, I was not sure how to format this. The plan I have gone with is listing three (3) functional problems and impairments from the promised professional sources followed by suggestions on how you can help your loved one from the author herself!
Like you, us females with ADHD are also learning how to adapt, work around, and accommodate for our disorder. I think overall, that this a key thing to remember throughout your relationship with the female. No relationship is perfect and often there are days where your support may miss the mark or not be what the other person needs, but that is a time where you both can communicate what works better for you as a pair! Although this can be used as a resource, every person looks different, so take a moment to ask how you can best support the person you love! Sources: Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for the identification and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls from BMC Psychiatry (2020) Rejection Sensitivity and Depressive Symptoms in Women by Ozlem Ayduk, Geraldine Downey, & Minji Kim (2001) |